The Promise of healing
The suggestions for healing included here are based on the written work of mental health experts who have focused on recovery and healing from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). I have utilized The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook written by Glenn R. Schiraldi, PhD as a resource to advance my own healing. This book provides powerful new strategies to overcome low self-esteem, shame, depression, anxiety, emotional trauma, and other long-term effects of toxic childhood stress.
What heals the traumatized brain? Love. Glenn Schiraldi writes in his workbook:
“A guiding principle is that mature love, not time is the healing agent. Love—sometimes called by its other names, such as caring, respect, acceptance, compassion, loving-kindness, gentle friendliness, or concern—changes the brain and body in beneficial ways. Love softens traumatic memories. And memories of being loved, that we access or create, help us tolerate suffering. As one of the world’s foremost neuroscientists Richard Davidson (2009) remarked regarding love’s capacity to reshape the brain, “It all comes down to love.” If love was in short supply in the developing years, you can learn to supply it later in life.”
Open Up
It’s been said that we are as sick as our secrets. Find someone you trust and share honestly how you feel and what happened to you. Develop a constructive outlet for your painful secrets. Surround yourself with people you trust who know your saga and will journey with you.
Develop Healing Attitudes
I know, easier said than done.
Start with admitting to yourself that you were strong enough, resilient enough to survive your adverse experiences and for surviving a difficult childhood. Give yourself credit. Understand and believe you are already starting with an inner strength that can be grown.
Self-Care
Think of all the things that bring you joy, peace, and relief. Make a list of these things and write them down. Turn to that list when the work of recovery and healing becomes hard. Take care of your brain by focusing on sleep, nutrition, and exercise, even if it is a walk in the park.
Don’t forget about the boring self-care stuff: the doctor’s appointments, the dishes, making the bed. Celebrate each boring self-care task, however small.
Ask Yourself for Patience
Healing can be hard work, and it takes time. You will experience highs and lows. You may be tired one day and invigorated another. Be patient with yourself and ask your loved ones to also be patient.
Feed Your Soul
Psychiatrist Harold Koenig has been at the forefront of spiritual research. He reports that most all the hundreds of studies find a positive correlation between spirituality and well-being. (Koenig, King, and Carson, 2012). Among adults, those having a belief in and a relationship with God showed better outcomes on measures of self-esteem, hopelessness, and substance abuse (Hammermeister and Peterson, 2001). Spirituality can be defined as:- Knowing that God loves you deeply and truly. “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3)
- Being involved in a church. You may have had a hurtful experience with religion and church. As my friend Michael Edwards has said many times, “Don’t let humanity get in the way of you having a relationship with God.”
- Having daily spiritual experiences, such as feeling God’s presence and love.
- Feeling thankful for blessings. My mother always said, “The Lord loves a thankful heart.”
- Feeling forgiveness from God and forgiving others.
- Knowing that you are not in this alone—looking to God for strength and collaborating with God to solve problems.
